August 3, 2021 
For the non-horse people in my life watching the Olympics: Thank you for appreciating the “horse dancing,” we are now on the “show jumping” portion of the program.
I hope you will watch.
A few things before we get started…
1. Those athletes (horse & rider) must hurl themselves over really f#$king big ass obstacles at the same rate as Jeff Bezos blasted into space, without knocking any of them over. First one to reach the moon wins.
2. My horses cannot do this. My horses would be like hapless toddlers in NYC traffic walking into this arena.
2a. This does not mean you, the non-rider, can ride my horses. They are still jerks and still expect Olympic caliber riding from their two-buck-chuck swilling owner.
3. Feel free to blast “Born to Run” while you watch. That is indeed Jessica Springsteen tearing around making questionable life choices.
4. The horse does not “do all the work.” If you feel strongly about this, I can revise 2a and invite you to trot a small jump on my Reno—bring your parachute and a vat of Advil.
5. You could more easily purchase a small island in the South Pacific than one of these horses. They are the most elite of our sport, like the Bugatti not the used Ford Focus.
6. Finally, yes this is insane! Why any horse is willing to leap over an obstacle that is legitimately taller than I am (the jumps are 1.65m or approx. 5’5″) is beyond belief. They are true athletes. Enjoy watching their athleticism and imagine trying to ride your cat—who is afraid of plastic bags—around that course.
Feel free to follow me for more #OlympicHotTakes. #ShowJumping #TeamUSA
