Oklahoma Schools to Write Horses Out of History

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK—How was the West won? It wasn’t by the use of horses, oxen, or other livestock according to an education mandate set down last week by the Oklahoma’s State Superintendent of Public Instruction, Tom Meleagridae.

“We in Oklahoma have a proud pioneer tradition and the fact that wagon and cattle drive trails regularly passed through our state during the westward expansion and gold rush eras is a cherished part of our history,” Meleagridae said. “But just how they did it, for me, has always remained an open question.

“Recently, I got a call from some interns at our State Archeology Survey, and they told me they’ve discovered some scrap metal pits located near several known wagon trail campsites. These dig sites contained fragments of many varieties of pickup trucks, which a few of these volunteer employees told me appear to be ‘very old’ in nature.

“What does this tell us? Well, it tells me that what we know about our national history is wrong. Pioneer wagons weren’t pulled by oxen or even Morgans, they were towed by older-model Dodge Rams. I think everything we know is wrong: Pickups have been doing our bidding long before Henry Ford unveiled his first Model T.

“We really need to re-think our outdated versions of ‘wagon trains’ and ‘cowboys on horseback’ and start realizing that the pick-up truck is and has always been inextricably linked with the grand history of the American West.”

But what about the brave and loyal ranch horses, draft breeds, and other livestock that toiled under saddle, yoke, and plow in the service of manifest destiny? Are we simply writing them out of the narrative?

“No,” Meleagridae says. “We’re just reframing it. Certainly, cowboys drove their cattle through Oklahoma, that’s not in dispute. How they did it though, I think, is worth revisiting. This is the 21^st century and our understanding of things change—kids change. We’re just helping to keep them interested in history by giving them a picture of Oklahoma that makes sense to them.

“Our forefathers didn’t win the West on some cranky, sway-backed Quarter horse,” Meleagridae continues. “They did it in a sleek, four-door Hemi with a custom-built interior and 4×4 capability.”

This is not the first controversial decision the Oklahoma State Department of Education has instituted of late. Others include a mandate for Christian bible teaching in public schools, and the addition of history curriculum espousing the debunked conspiracy theory of 2020 presidential election fraud. Most recently, the state’s bid to use tax-payer dollars to fund a religious charter school made headlines when it was blocked by the Supreme Court.

“We’re very excited for the children of Oklahoma to finally engage with the content and be inspired by their own history,” Meleagridae said. “Most of the children in our school districts don’t ride horses or keep oxen in the back 40 anymore, but one in four of them rides around in a pickup truck.”

The evidence for his contentious new assertion, Meleagridae says, is there for all to see.

“We can’t possibly know what it was like to be a pioneer on the wagon trail, but we do know that, eventually, they all got where they’re going to. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here—and we know they were lugging around a lot of junk.

“You’re gonna tell me they accomplished all that without some actual horsepower?”

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