DALLAS, TX—After the surprise resurrection of the Direwolf (which went extinct 12,500 years ago), scientists at the Texas-based Ginormous Biosciences lab revealed they had one, more, gargantuan secret up their sleeves: a secret that only stood at 3 hands tall. 

In a surprise move, Ginormous Biosciences explained that they had also used CRISPR gene-editing technology to bring back early-equine ancestors belonging to the Eocene epoch: Eohippus, otherwise known as the ‘dawn horse.’

“They’re just so cutttte!” Jenny Pack, a PR representative for the lab, gushed by phone about the four Eohippus “foals” currently being raised at an undisclosed location in Central Texas.

“They have four toes on their front feet, and three toes behind… well, one of them has five toes on one foot and appears to still be evolving…. But they also have these darling, little giraffe ears. They don’t come up much higher than my knee!”

“I have my own barrel horses at home, and while I do feel there’s a resemblance, I can’t quite see throwing my Circle Y on these little guys,” she chuckled. “That said, I’m so thrilled by the possibilities this technology has to offer, and they’re the living proof. As horse person, myself, I can’t wait to see where Eohippus will take us.”

In fact, if recent minutes from U.S. Equestrian’s bi-annual meeting are any indication, it appears Eohippus may take us straight to the showmanship arena. 

“We currently have plans to welcome Eohippus in halter classes at a series of shows scheduled for the 2028 season. So far, we’ve planned classes for 3-year-old stallions and 3-year-old mares, which is how old they’ll be by then. Plus, we’ll have year-end qualifying points available for both junior and amateur Eohippus handlers,” said National Breeds & Disciplines Operations Manager Thomas Allen. 

Obviously, riding classes are out of the question. But down the road, Allen says, the organization plans to incorporate Eohippus in-hand jumping and driving divisions, similar to those offered for miniature horses. “Although, given their size, we’re going to have to re-think those carriages!” he joked.  

“We’re also looking at potential options for obedience and trail. They’re just babies at this point, but from what we can tell, they seem kind of shy—and maybe a little stubborn,” Allen said. “To be honest, it’s been some 40 million years since they were on the earth, and people weren’t around back then, so we don’t really know what they’re going to be good at.” 

When asked why Ginormous Biosciences had decided to prioritize the “family friendly” Eohippus as a fledgling species for its “real-life Jurassic Park-project,” as it’s been deemed by critics, representative Jenny Pack demurred. 

“I think the work we’re doing is going to be important for the preservation of many critically endangered animal species in the years to come,” she said. “As for the reasons we chose Eohippus—their DNA was available to us—and also, they’re labradoodle-sized! They’re cuddly! I mean, maybe, they’re cuddly…

“But the bottom line is, what little girl doesn’t dream of waking up with a tiny, primordial equine with varying numbers of toes curled up at the foot of her bed?” Pack said. “Better that than a Velociraptor!”

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