February 13, 2026 
MIDDLEBURG, VA—Following his recent annual veterinary exam, the 23-year-old Appendix gelding, Show Me the Money, reports through his animal communicator that he is in perfect health, and actually couldn’t have done any better.
According to “Joffrey,” as he’s known in the barn, the gelding “ACED” his physical exam in the temperature, pulse, respiration, vision, and dental categories, adding that his vet told him she’d never before seen a horse in such robust health and with such strong flexions, given his age and career history.
“The way I trotted off, I think the vet was astounded,” Joffrey said. “The strength of my gaits, really, is something you’d usually see in a horse half my age. She said he hadn’t had a patient trot off like that in a flexion test for years—maybe ever.”
Show Me the Money spent his career in lower-level eventing, competing frequently in local Horse Trials in his youth. Despite finishing on his dressage score “at all—or almost all—basically all” of the events he entered in his prime, Joffrey said where he truly excelled was on cross country, noting he was “a very talented horse” with a “very good brain” for the sport.
The former eventer was also quick to clarify the rumors surrounding the bite-shaped hair loss on his topline, noting that the marks covering his neck and flanks were, “Just from a few pals that got carried away with some friendly grooming—you know, locker-room stuff.
“They love me! No one is more popular in the field than me,” Joffrey continued. “I never have a problem with anyone. They’re calling me the prince of the paddock these days, actually. I don’t know—I’m not saying that I am—that’s just what the other horses are saying. They all stand in line to groom me.”
According to Joffrey’s animal communicator, the farm’s resident Kunekune pig, Daisy—whose pen is adjacent to the horse paddock—raised a cloven-hoof to fact-check to Joffrey’s fervid health and career assertions, as well as his “reciprocated interactions” with paddock mates.
The interruption did not sit well with Joffrey.
“How dare you interrupt me? Where are you even from—New Zealand? That’s not even a country, it’s an island. An island that’s a million miles away. Why are you even here?”
When Daisy attempted a rebuttal, Joffrey quickly silenced her.
“Quiet,” he said. “Quiet, piggy.”
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