In honor of the incoming year of our lord of good horses, 2023. 

  1. I will wear my airbag vest during every ride. 
  2. I will be on time for my lesson (within a 10-ish minute window). 
  3. I will not hijack the left rein. 
  4. I will not hijack the right rein. 
  5. I will limit horse show chardonnay intake to 2–3 glasses on show nights.*
  6. I will clean my tack after every ride (saddle too). 
  7. I will not lean up the neck at oxers, terrifying everyone in sight. 
  8. I will provide a coffee cake from the horse show food truck for my horse at every show as a thank-you. 
  9. (I will not eat half of that coffee cake walking back to the show stalls.) 
  10. I will attempt to count numbers while walking courses with my trainer, not just pretend.
  11. I will attempt to ride those numbers decided upon while in my class. 
  12. I will not freak out at bending lines.
  13. I will not freak out at bending lines (redux)
  14. I will make sure my air bag vest is clipped in without being reminded by barn staff/trainers. 
  15. I will make sure my air bag vest is unclipped without being reminded by (panicked) barn staff/trainers. 
  16. I will not think, Don’t pull! And then instantly pull.
  17. I will not spend money on pretty, new, unnecessary items, including but not limited to: show coats, show shirts, fancy boutique riding sweaters, belts.
  18. I will create a 2023 Horse Show Budget spreadsheet, fill it in, and stick to it.**
  19. I will not bother my trainer with unnecessary requests (i.e. videos of my horse at night check) at unnecessary hours of the day (i.e. 8 p.m. or later; 7 a.m. or earlier) more than once a week.
  20. I will not go off course. Each time I do, I will provide my trainer with a nice, expensive bottle of wine. 
  21. I will not take the long one. I will not take the long one. I will not take the long one.  
  22. I will not say the words “I can’t” to my trainer.
  23. If I do slip up and say, “ I can’t,” I will immediately quantify that statement more specifically. (I can’t jump that high over that jump; I can’t get the lead change in this direction today; I can’t promise I won’t throw up before my derby class on Sunday, but the Adults on Friday should be fine.)

*Does not include happy hour.

**Does not include possible Indoors qualification, in which case, all bets are off.

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