When most people come into an unexpected windfall, they take a bit of that money and spend it on something frivolous. A dinner out at a fancy restaurant. A vacation to the Bahamas. Maybe even a car or a Rolex.

World number one McLain Ward celebrated his winning spree last month by splurging on…a lawn mower?

McLain Ward

Now, normal people might see the promise of uninterrupted alone time in that zero-turn Scag. A humming motor drowning out the demands of job, family, and cell phone. The shirtless relaxation of doing mindless grunt work, beer in hand. The sweet satisfaction of a lawn well mowed.

While all that may be true for most lawn mowers, this is McLain Ward we’re talking about.

The McLains of the world do not simply mow a lawn. They have strict lawn mowing protocols that start with a thorough 20-point checklist and end with a lawn so perfectly manicured it inspires envy in golf courses the world over.

McLains are the sort who prepare for lawn care duties. Likely with the generous application of 50+ UVA and UVB sun protection, sponsor-themed headwear and form fitting, safety approved, lawn-mowing attire, preferably in traditional tones and/or official team colors.

McLains don’t merely ride a mower. They master it. Working the controls with surgical precision to shave the lawn carpet adorning Castle Hill down to a precise 2.25 inches with a negative one variance.

When said job is complete, McLains review their expertly executed handiwork to identify areas of potential improvement. Later, video footage is critically assessed by a small team of valued employees. Their opinions will be largely ignored.

Upon storing said mower, after it’s been refueled and restored to like-new condition, McLains will walk briskly across the freshly hewn grass, stopping only to snip a wayward blade. With a pair of sharp-pointed scissors. Extracted from its safety casing in his pocket. McLains will sigh and make a mental note to do better next time.

Which is to say, sweet ride, McLain! Here’s hoping you get to take it out for a test run before you’re forced to hand over the controls to lesser mortals.

Up next: World #1 McLain Ward shares a comment on the weather (and we dedicate an entire post to it).