October 13, 2025 
This episode of Horse Person is made possible by Nikovian. Use code horseperson15 at checkout for 15% off.
Dr. Darby Bonomi, a sport and performance psychologist and a recent guest on the Horse Person Podcast, believes there are two phrases that should never be used when describing our rounds, whether it’s at the horse show or elsewhere: “perfect” and “bad ride.”
Both are used all too often, she says.
Who can blame us? We are literally judged on perfection. In the hunters and equitation, we lose valuable points for every last detail that isn’t perfect, just to have a numerical score assigned to us. It’s almost impossible to not take this feedback personally.
But Dr. Bonomi argues that the phrases “bad ride” and “perfect” really don’t mean anything.
“If you tell me you had a perfect round, I have no idea what that means; that doesn’t tell me anything,” she explained. The same goes for the word “bad.”
What’s more, this thought process drags us down.
Our desire as horse people to be perfect, Dr. Bonomi argues, is detracting from the joy of the sport for juniors and amateurs, who tend to be type-A women—they’re competitive, organized, ambitious, and, very often, perfectionists.
“It’s stealing our creativity,” Dr. Bonomi said of perfectionism and its effect on our experience with horses. “It’s stealing our ability to learn. And, most importantly to me, it’s stealing our joy. I can’t tell you how many riders I work with who are just consumed with being perfect.”
For many of us, dwelling on anything less than perfect is learned behavior. It may seem daunting, or nearly impossible, to try to reverse that thinking. To walk away from a round where you missed a distance, maybe had a refusal, or generally performed in a way you weren’t proud of, and break it apart into smaller wins.
Dr. Bonomi shared three strategies on the Horse Person Podcast. For starters, she does not allow her clients to use the word “perfect.”
“I heard McLain Ward say years ago, ‘I’m a student of the sport,’” she continued. “And I always say, if that’s how McLain Ward refers to himself, we all should fall in line behind him.”
Ward’s forward-thinking approach, and ability to put the past behind him, is a quality that every rider, no matter the level, can aspire to.
The fight to show up perfectly every day is a losing battle, but it doesn’t have to be a battle at all. Dr. Bonomi explains in this episode the thoughts that should be circulating in your head, the conversations that should be taking place with your trainer, and confidence-boosting strategies you can begin implementing today as you ride.
To hear these strategies and more from Dr. Darby Bonomi on combating perfectionism as riders, listen to her conversation with Caroline Culberton on the Horse Person Podcast:
This episode is supported by #WeRideTogether, a nonprofit working tirelessly to prevent sexual abuse in horse sport.
