February 26, 2024 
When I have a client that it is ready to start looking for a new horse, there are lots of conversations I like to have with them long before the shopping portion actually occurs.
As a trainer, in most cases, I believe it is near-impossible to find a ‘forever’ horse. I tell people that, for the majority of us, horses are teachers: most people don’t have the same teacher from kindergarten through college.
If you are an adult that has been riding forever, and are truly in a groove, and aren’t looking to keep moving up the levels, then you could potentially find a forever horse. If you have a perfect budget and the perfect trainer, with perfect care (relatively speaking, of course), then you have a better chance as well.
But even in both of these cases, finding that forever horse is challenging! There are lots of boxes you need to check if you are even thinking of going down this path. Of primary importance is making sure you and your trainer agree 100% on what that forever horse’s age, brain, and ‘type’ is. If the answer is yes, and both of you are on the same page, that’s great! It will make the shopping process that much easier.
If that’s not the case, however, and you and your trainer disagree—maybe about how green a horse you can handle, or if the ride you like is really the best ride for you—then it might be better to reconsider that lifelong horse and think more in the short-term. Instead, look for the ideal horse for you at that present moment in your riding career. And, in both cases, whatever happens, I like to encourage people not to get caught up in expectations.
Learn to enjoy the journey of horse ownership, and don’t worry so much about the ending.
As we’ve often talked about here, horses are live animals, with hearts and souls and brains of their own. Finding a forever horse for a client is kind of like finding a forever partner for yourself (just with a lot of other people involved). Not an easy task.
When I judge, I find myself reflecting constantly on the factors that make a good match between horse and rider, and why it’s so important. There is such a thing as bad chemistry, and I often wonder why people insist on going back in the ring repeatedly with a horse that they don’t get along with. Especially when you can clearly tell that something is just wrong with the partnership. When I judge, I wish I could call this out, and let the rider know—it’s time to make a change!
In these cases, I sometimes wonder if people get so hung up on wanting to keep a horse forever that they forget to think about what is best, not just for their own performance, but for the animal. Part of the sport is recognizing when something isn’t right, and moving on so that both partners can be successful in different situations.
Sometimes, horses just can’t give us what we want from them—or we, as the rider, can’t give them the confidence or feeling that they need. Another way to look at it is that it’s hard to have a forever horse when most horses just aren’t equipped to be able to compete all the levels required with a single rider.
Remember, if you want to show, the picture for the judge needs to be soft and in-sync. Some partnerships can achieve this at the lower levels, when the physical and mental requirements are less intense on both horse and rider. But that can change as the height of the jumps increases, or the pressure or other demands grow. Some horses may not want to do that new job, and need a change, just like some people do in life! In that case, a new situation is often the best answer.
As a parent, owning a horse is a privilege, and everyone needs to remember that. Horses don’t need to allow your kid to bobble around on them, and have bad days at school, and then come to the barn and consciously or unconsciously take it out on them. They don’t need to be the emotional support for a kid through the roller coaster of their adolescence. Yet horses are capable of handling all these roles, and I often feel that we forget how brilliant they really are.
As a parent, I look at horses as teachers, and I want the perfect horse for every stage of my kid’s life. I don’t really think it’s possible (or fair) to ask one horse to answer every question my kid has of them, forever. I want my horses to be feel happy and valued and loved—not as if they aren’t good enough for the job at hand. As a mom, I remind my kid that sometimes, it’s time for that horse to move on and teach another kid. Unicorns are rare, and if you are lucky enough to come across one, you’ll realize you need to do 100% what’s best for them, even when it’s hard.
Maybe that will mean owning that horse forever, but it might not mean having him or her under your kid’s tack forever. Remember that horses, too, have a niche, just like we all do. Sometimes, as a parent, you have to know when that niche is no longer suiting your kid’s needs, even when your kid doesn’t.
And yes, I know this can be oh-so hard: we get attached to our horses and we love them. But in many cases, when the time comes, moving on is usually the right thing to do. I can’t wait for the day that my kid is ready and able to have her ‘lifetime’ horse, but I know how special and rare that will be if and when it happens. A much more likely scenario is that she finds a wonderful horse that can teach her what she needs to learn now, and that she can love and dote on each day that horse is in the barn.
As a trainer, judge, and mom, I know how remarkable owning a true unicorn is. Just being in the presence of one and having the opportunity to care for him or her is enough for me, for however long that may be.
