February 6, 2025 
Dear Moms,
Fair warning: horses are going to steal your kid’s heart. Buckle up, buttercup—you’re in for a wild ride. Which is exactly why I wish I’d had a mentor back when my oldest first fell for horses.
Someone who’d spill the deets or hand me a playbook for navigating horse-crazy life with my kid. But nope, I was on my own. Now that I’m a seasoned mom of young equestrians, I’m here to be your ride-or-die and drop 14 pieces of hard-earned wisdom.
1. Horses Are Not a Hobby
While riding may start out disguised as a ‘hobby,’ horses will often evolve into a passion. Though it may be early in your kid’s journey, you’re most likely in it for the long haul. So, consider the big picture, especially money. Horses are more costly than most sports, unless your kid is into yachting.
Your income may guide you when you pick a farm for lessons, or even determine a specific discipline. If your child falls in love with an environment or type of riding that you ultimately can’t afford, it can cause major confusion and heartbreak. Do the research to determine what’s going to work long-term rather than bankrupt you, because most likely, your kid is going to fall into the ‘I-heart-horses’ vortex for years.
2. Take Care of Yourself, Too
It’s okay to put yourself first and think about your needs when you make horse-related decisions for your kids. A tired, stressed, worn-down mama is no good to any young horse lover. For example, if you find a farm that’s closer to you, and drive time is clutch, convenience may trump other factors, such as a state-of-the-art facility. That is okay! PB&J and Slim Jims for dinner on the way to the barn instead of a gourmet meal? Absolutely! Make choices that are going to keep you sane-ish.
3. Be Careful Whom You Trust
You are your kid’s best advocate, and this is a biggie. Before you decide on a trainer, ensure this person has your kid’s best interests and safety at heart. There are few regulations in this sport for deeming someone an official “trainer.” Amid the sea of excellent professionals, there are also ample unskilled individuals.
Ask around to ensure you don’t inadvertently put your child at risk with someone who lacks knowledge or ethics. Stop into your local tack shop, chat with adults who ride, explore on social media. Ensure you are aware of pricing in your area, as well, so you don’t get taken advantage of.
4. Start Small
Don’t jump into buying a horse or pony, no matter how much your kid whines or how much the trainer pushes. Stick with lessons for a while. Then, if your kid claims she’s all in, try a partial lease first before drinking the Kool-Aid.
Easing into horse ownership will help you gauge how much money and time your family is able to commit. You may need to periodically remind your kid that she’s on her own path, even if that’s a bi-weekly lesson for years when her friends leap into ownership. Eventually, those lessons may evolve into other opportunities, and any horsey time will stoke her passion.
5. Changing Trainers Isn’t Taboo
Your kid may outgrow his situation or want different things as he progresses. Leaving is not disastrous if you keep the lines of communication open. If you are honest, open, and respectful with your current trainer while you explore other options, you can preserve the relationship.
Plus, the horse world is small, and staying on good terms with prior trainers is in your best interest. If I had a time machine, I would transport myself back to handle leaving more maturely, instead of avoiding what felt like a confrontation with someone my kid and I both cared about.
Also, if you decide your kid needs a change, keep the convo private. This is not a “truth bomb” to drop in front of other clients in the barn aisle. Though discretion sounds intuitive, believe me, it’s not.
6. Horse Friendships Can = Drama
Barn friendships are often wonderful, but combine friendship, money, and a competitive sport, and yes, there may be fireworks. Help your kid through any conflict that crops up. Encourage her to focus on friends who bring out the best in her, and to be proactive as a parent if toxicity is brewing. If the situation warrants, notify the trainer.
7. Redefine Success
Success is all relative. Your kid may think it’s all about ribbons and prize coolers, and you may be fooled at times into thinking the same. But success is personal.
It’s easy to celebrate the early milestones: “Wow! You learned your diagonal!” But as your child progresses, it may get harder for you both to relish the small accomplishments. Remind him and yourself that the little things matter, and avoid adding unnecessary pressure. Focus on the love of the horse rather than the love of the outcome.
8. Keep It Fun
Encourage your kid to keep her riding journey fun. Help her create silly costumes for the Halloween class. Suggest fox hunting, paper chasing, clinics, and pony camp. Teach her it’s always awesome to try something new and to learn through these experiences.
9. Bad Stuff Happens
Like any competitive sport, there is a darker side to horses. Your kid may be exposed to unethical practices in the industry. Drugging, excessive lunging, drilling, and other forms of abuse are unacceptable.
Help your kids understand the right way—the “good” path. Help them spot signs of nefarious behavior and to question it. They have the power to do better, and make the future of this sport brighter. The horse’s welfare always comes first.
10. Don’t Compare
There is elitism in this sport. Explain that your child should hold her head high regardless. There will be kids with multiple horses when you may not even be able to afford one. Your kid may buy her riding tights on Amazon while others drop hundreds on Italian breeches. But her horse-loving journey—whether it’s in the backyard or at Wellington—is hers, and it’s special.
11. Embrace the Grey
The path you and your kid envision may seem black and white (for example, he dreams of moving up a division, then making it to Zone Finals). But often, goals take longer than expected, or are financially out of reach for now. Living in the grey means leaning into uncertainty and handling it with grace.
Help your kid see that even short-term opportunities, like month-to-month leases or exercising school horses, are valuable. Though his riding may not always match the technicolor dream in his imagination, he’s still making progress in amazing ways.
12. Don’t Live Through Your Kid
Especially if you rode in the past, it can be easy to feel like you’ve deferred your own equestrian aspirations to support your kid’s. But it’s not fair to place the weight of your forgotten dreams on her shoulders. Though you may have envisioned her as a hunter princess, if she wants to be a recreational rider or barrel racer, love that for her (and look at the upside: your bank account will thank you).
13. Your Kid May Quit
She might say she’ll NEVER ride again. Perhaps volleyball or a cute crush will steal her heart. Maybe she’ll just need a hiatus after a fall or a string of frustrating rides. Encourage her to stick with it, but don’t force it. Pushing too hard backfires. I learned this the hard way. Both my older daughters took breaks, despite my cajoling. When they were ready, they jumped back in more driven than ever—and now, they’re full-fledged horse kids.
14. Finally, When You Question Everything…
There will be times when you’ll wonder if your kid should do the horses. If it’s just too expensive, too much drama, just too much everything.
The answer is YES. Support your child. Because what you’re doing isn’t just encouraging a hobby. You’re nurturing passion, resilience, and a sense of purpose—blessings your kid will carry with her for the rest of her life.
One day, she will look back and thank you. Not just for the lessons learned in the saddle, but for believing in her when it mattered most.
You got this!
Hugs,
Jamie
