ALLENTOWN, PENNSYLVANIA—Former compliance officer Joe Taber revealed he has a brilliant new ‘get rich quick’ plan for his retirement years.

The proposition, he hopes, will not only add greatly to his personal happiness, but provide a stable and lucrative revenue stream for his human family of five. 

“I’ve always loved horses. They’re so big, and graceful—I just love the way they run,” he said. “I used to spend a lot of time talking to the mounted police officers at our town’s Fourth of July parade, and I used to do a little trail riding with a friend. I figure, how hard could it be, running a boarding barn?” 

Taber, who has never taken formal riding lessons nor worked at a stable or with equines in any capacity, used his retirement funds to purchase a 62-acre farm in nearby Coopersburg. There, he plans to open his doors to all horse breeds and riding disciplines, and take—by his own description—a “freewheeling” approach to horse management. 

“Retirement is the perfect time to turn over a new leaf, and I was really looking to find something profitable that’s not too time consuming or stressful. For me, opening up a boarding barn was the perfect answer.”

Taber said that, based on his personal observations of a horse’s “big, tall, stature” with the ability to pull “like 18 times their body weight” they surely must be “one of God’s hardiest creatures.”

He added that he’s never heard of horses causing property damage of any kind, and fully expects to spend his days riding around on the mower and, when he feels like it, touching up the fence paint. 

“We’ll be set up for safety, of course. But it’s not like the horses are going to get hurt just walking around in the field, or hanging out with one another, or digesting their food,” Taber chuckled. “Next thing you’re gonna tell me is they get sick when the weather changes! 

“Nah, they won’t be any trouble. Believe me. I’m a father of three teenagers… I know trouble.” 

Though he fully expects all his boarders to get along like family from the start, Taber said he’s intentionally keeping numbers “relatively low” at first, adding that he plans to expand his facility from 30 horses to nearly 100 by 2025.  

“I’m not saying I’m the world’s biggest expert on all things horsey, but I had to do a lot of long hours micromanaging in my former career, and I expect this to be a real change of pace in the best possible way,” he explained. 

“Horses just want to be horses: they want to eat oats, they want to look majestic, they want to let their neck hairs blow in the wind, and do their horsey thing. And I certainly don’t expect to have any problems with the owners. Horse people, I think, must be some of the most laid-back folks in the world. 

“Sometimes you just know when you’ve hit on a truly brilliant idea,” Taber said. “And this, this is it.”