Satire

First Legal Pot Shop for Horses Opens in Canada

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Just nine months into legalizing cannabis across the country, the Canadian federal government has greenlit the first pot shop marketed specifically to horses and their owners.

The Grass Is Always Greener opened over the Canada Day long weekend in Caledon, Ont., a small city northwest of Toronto that is popular among equine enthusiasts.

The shop’s owner, Bill ‘weed man’ Smith said that it just made sense to cater a cannabis shop to horses. “I’ve seen marijuana and CBD work wonders on horses with chronic pain and anxiety.”

His first weekend open, Smith reported he had already sold out of oat and apple pot cookies and an everyday bran-based formula he branded Heavenly Mash. Other hot sellers included a CBD oil for coating bits and a cannabis-infused rub for stiff muscles and joints.

One customer who did not want to reveal her identity said that she was thrilled she can now buy her horse marijuana at a legal store. For the past three years, the owner has been feeding her adult amateur hunter her own homemade pot cookies before shows and she says it gives him the perfect relaxed canter for the equitation classes.

“Sure, he’s put on a few pounds because he gets the munchies and just can’t stop eating hay, but he’s unflappable. I mean, my husband can even open a golf umbrella next to him and he never breaks stride, just plods along perfectly.”

The woman admitted that she’d likely try out a few of the pot cookies herself and it’s something Smith said he expects to see frequently.

“Some of these riders are so high strung. If they split an oat pot cookie with their horse, they’re on the same wavelength—it truly builds connection between horse and rider.”

Throughout the summer, Smith will be setting up booths at horse shows around the Toronto area to educate riders about the benefits marijuana can offer their horses.

“I can see The Grass Is Always Greener franchising out across Canada,” said Smith, who added that true success for him would be helping all the uptight barn ladies and their anxious mounts to mellow out and “enjoy the ride.”