As alpha predators, most humans are lucky enough to live their daily life free of fear. But once a year at Halloween, we like to see how the other half lives. We imagine there are ghosts, zombies, vampires, headless horseman, you name it, out to get us. We even revel in music about Frankenstein, Dracula, Wolfman, and a Flying Purple-People Eater at our door to do the monster mash!
For horses, however, everyday is a bit, well, spooky without going to the lengths of creating super villains. It stands to reason then that the scariest songs ever written would be a very different list for horses. So I decided to interview a few on what they think is the scariest song they ever heard.
Here is what those horses had to say in their own words:
1. MOONSHADOW by Cat Stevens
DIESEL from Pennsylvania says: “I’m being followed by a moonshadow? Oh my goodness, you’re right! That shadow is following me!! Can we please get some more light in this arena? Also, this guy has a very careless attitude toward life threatening injuries.”
2. WHIP IT by Devo
JACKSON from California says: “These cowboys are out of control. They put my feed bowl on their head and started whipping everything in sight. Someone must put a stop to the madness, please!”
3. FIREWORK by Katy Perry
CLASSY from Kentucky says: “You’re a what now? A plastic bag, a house of cards, a scream, a firework! Woman—are you trying to give me a heart attack?! Please don’t ever bring up the 4th of July in my presence again. [Shiver] Now that’s a terrifying holiday!”
PAPARRAZI by Lady Gaga
DARWIN from Utah says: “So, your big plan is to follow me around with a flashing camera until I love you? Good luck with that! Those bolts of light could be the death of me at any moment. I’m out of here, and I can run much faster than you!”
5. UMBRELLA by Rihanna
MACKENZIE from California says: “Human, rain is a natural occurrence, and a wonderful way to get an impromptu bath (followed by a good mudding). Why in the world would you try to win me over by ruining it with the terrifying contraption you call an umbrella? No, I will NOT stand under your umbrella. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever, you crazy person!”
ANY OTHER NAME (AKA THE PLASTIC BAG THEME) by Thomas Newman
PAL from Florida says: “How could you have given this scene from American Beauty an Oscar? It’s a horror to horses everywhere that humans declared a flapping plastic bag to be ‘a benevolent force that wanted [us] to know there was no reason to be afraid.’ Don’t you know, for horses, this is the equivalent of the shower scene from Psycho!
Now go out and ask your horses what they have to say and report back with more songs!
About the Author
Marjorie Wilkinson is the co-founder and co-editor of Counter-Canter Culture—a revolutionary online publication intended to unite the equestrians and equestrian-enthusiasts who aren’t afraid to kick up the dust that has settled on the conventional equine lifestyle. She is also a real-life Hollywood music supervisor and the official curator of Counter-Canter Culture’s musical column, 100% Sound.