Horse Play

The Kind of Horse You Should Wait For

©Ken Marshall/Flickr CC

Thought Catalog published an article in January that describes the type of guy every girl should wait for.

It lists a million different things that someone should seek out in partner, and frankly, a few of the items are unrealistic. (Framed pictures. Really now?) So knowing that most horse people spend more time picking out their mount than they do worrying about a little thing like dating, here’s a list of all the qualities the perfect equine specimen should have.

The qualities you should wait for…

Wait for the horse that nickers for you at the gate when you pull up, and probably does it because he likes you and not because you’re 1.5 seconds late feeding him.

Wait for the horse that still has her blanket/fly mask/bell boots on most mornings. Wait for the horse that loses her shoe in a bare dirt spot near the gate, not the mud puddle in the back acre.

Wait for the horse that doesn’t roll post-bath, pre-show. Or post-bath, pre-ride. Or really anytime post-bath. Maybe just wait for a horse that hates dirt.

Wait for the horse that magically fits every saddle, ever. Even the cheap ones.

Wait for the horse who stands quietly at the mounting block and definitely doesn’t shuffle away as soon as you put your weight in one stirrup when he gets distracted by something. Wait for the horse that always waits.

Wait for the horse that steps under you when you lose your balance, who slows down when you start to slip. Wait for the horse that doesn’t launch you into outer space on a bad landing after a fence.

Wait for the horse that you can try something new with—that says “I don’t know but I’ll try.” Wait for the horse that doesn’t respond with a “Hell to the no”.

Wait for the horse that finds flapping tarps, plastic bags, and coats hung on the fence interesting and fun. Wait for the horse that has a “stand-and-thoughtfully-consider-the-situation-before-making-an-informed-decision” response instead of a “fight-or-flight” one.

Wait for the horse that runs your leg into a gate post, but then obviously feels really bad about it after.

Wait for the horse that checks to see if you’re dead after you take a tumble. Wait for the horse that actively tries to not step on your face.

Wait for the horse that steps out of the trailer the same as the horse that stepped ONTO the trailer. Calm, collected, definitely not screaming his head off for friends and strangers alike.

Wait for the horse that prefers to stand with you after her halter is removed, even when her friends were turned out in the field ages ago. Or at the very least wait for the horse that doesn’t kick at you when she gallops off from the gate screaming.

Wait for the horse that pees in the field before he gets to his clean stall. Wait for the horse that poops and pees in the same corner of his stall. Every. Time.

Wait for the horse that’s never lame. But when he does go lame, it’s just a simple stone bruise.

Wait for the horse that sees a fence down, and goes back to quietly grazing. Or wait for the horse that escapes, but then heads right for his stall.

Wait for the horse that gently lays his head on your shoulder, and doesn’t follow it up by trying to itch himself. Aggressively.

Wait for the horse that isn’t described as “mostly broke.”

Wait for the horse that looks at you like other horses looks at grain.

Wait for it.

But maybe compromise on a thing or ten, or you just might be waiting forever…


About the Author

When Aubrey Moore isn’t riding her horse Flynn, new pony or doing near-constant maintenance on her truck, she can be found with a glass of wine in hand, chatting happily with her cat Frankie.