Second Bullet Found at Deodoro Equestrian Center

It might have been the most bizarre press conference of the Rio Games. Maybe of all time.

General Ramos, Chief Commander for the First Division of the Brazilian Army and “highest ranking official in this area” was brought into the press tent at Deodoro Equestrian Centre discuss what has been officially dubbed The Incident. (But might more accurately be called The Incident of the Day.)

What followed was a scene straight out The Twilight Zone.

It started with a four-minute monologue in which The General disclosed his age (60!), young start in the military (14!), and career highlights (Haiti! BOSNIA!).

Then there were the multiple references to the number of soldiers (5,500!) and battalions (51!) under his command.

Followed up with his perplexing but seemingly heartfelt expression of appreciation for reporter questions: “Thank you! Thank you for your question.”

And that was all before we even got to the first question, which was literally “What was The Incident?”

Because no one knew exactly what happened in the first place.

Segue into The General’s detailed recap of the bullet that hit the media tent four days ago wherein we learn that the military doesn’t really know where that bullet came from. But someone with a rifle, about two kilometers from the venue, has been arrested all the same.

Oh, you mean today’s Incident!

Turns out, a second bullet was discovered by a soldier at Deodoro Equestrian Centre this afternoon. This time near a fence about 300m from the horse stabling.

For those keeping track (read: everyone), that’s two bullets in four days. Is this facility dangerous?

Nah, says The General:

“First of all, let’s clarify, there is no risk you receive direct shooting. It’s out of the question. Is there some danger for the people here? No, the answer is no. This [bullet that came through the roof on Saturday], it’s like a little stone. Nobody shoot directly here.”

Presumably, that was supposed to be reassuring.

But just in case it wasn’t, The General emphasized, bullets or no bullets: “I can guarantee you are safe.”

His assurances probably would have been more comforting had we not heard near-constant gunfire during the first session of the Grand Prix today as the military engaged in shooting training.

The good news is that particular issue has been resolved. The General says he received a direct order to stop all shooting exercises until the Games are over. And you know it’s true because:

“I’m not here to lie. I am a General.”

Indeed you are, Ramos.