June 23, 2016 
When most people come into an unexpected windfall, they take a bit of that money and spend it on something frivolous. A dinner out at a fancy restaurant. A vacation to the Bahamas. Maybe even a car or a Rolex.
World number one McLain Ward celebrated his winning spree last month by splurging on…a lawn mower?
Now, normal people might see the promise of uninterrupted alone time in that zero-turn Scag. A humming motor drowning out the demands of job, family, and cell phone. The shirtless relaxation of doing mindless grunt work, beer in hand. The sweet satisfaction of a lawn well mowed.
While all that may be true for most lawn mowers, this is McLain Ward we’re talking about.
The McLains of the world do not simply mow a lawn. They have strict lawn mowing protocols that start with a thorough 20-point checklist and end with a lawn so perfectly manicured it inspires envy in golf courses the world over.
McLains are the sort who prepare for lawn care duties. Likely with the generous application of 50+ UVA and UVB sun protection, sponsor-themed headwear and form fitting, safety approved, lawn-mowing attire, preferably in traditional tones and/or official team colors.
McLains don’t merely ride a mower. They master it. Working the controls with surgical precision to shave the lawn carpet adorning Castle Hill down to a precise 2.25 inches with a negative one variance.
When said job is complete, McLains review their expertly executed handiwork to identify areas of potential improvement. Later, video footage is critically assessed by a small team of valued employees. Their opinions will be largely ignored.
Upon storing said mower, after it’s been refueled and restored to like-new condition, McLains will walk briskly across the freshly hewn grass, stopping only to snip a wayward blade. With a pair of sharp-pointed scissors. Extracted from its safety casing in his pocket. McLains will sigh and make a mental note to do better next time.
Which is to say, sweet ride, McLain! Here’s hoping you get to take it out for a test run before you’re forced to hand over the controls to lesser mortals.
Up next: World #1 McLain Ward shares a comment on the weather (and we dedicate an entire post to it).
